Stop Looking So You Can Find It

Last Friday night I was hanging out with Deb. We watched Manufactured Landscapes and I recommend it for anyone who doesn’t mind thinking a little to make their entertainment. We made dinner and chatted in the kitchen for a while before.

One of the things I said to her was that I understood what people meant by “once you stop looking for someone, the right person will come along”. She laughed and said “yeah right, that’s not how things were working with either one of us”. Her statement was correct, but I wasn’t meaning it the way she took it.

What it means is that once you stop looking for someone, you become open to finding the right person. When you are looking, you are seeking out something in particular. As a consequence, you are eliminating those who do not match on any of the desired characteristics. Their smile may not be bright enough, they may have a boring job, they may not talk to their mothers very nicely…. Once you stop looking for someone to fill the void, you automatically become open to everyone who may make you feel good.

I might have heard it compared it to a big ball of yarn that is unravelling. When you’re looking for someone, you’re trying to stop the yarn from coming off. But when you stop looking, the yarn unravels and once it does, the ball is gone. So too is the need for someone to hold it together. Then you are free to find happiness and unconditional love.