NOTE – I wrote this early in October when I had yet to realize that I had started to write again.
I enjoy writing this blog. I try to keep it focused as a narrative on the various aspects of changes in mental or physical state. It follows that most of what I write about here is going to have a lot to do with me and what I experience. These experiences need to be different enough from the rest of my life to stick out. Up until recently there has been no shortage of things that are in contrast to what I’ve normalized; not knowing your motivation for things tends to lead you to a number of dissonating events that periodically rattle your cage. These occurs less now that I’ve started to do something called “growing up”. Life has stopped happening to me and I’ve started to make my life happen. The path I need and want are the same and I see it.
Less dissonance means fewer changes in state though so there’s not much to write about here.
With reference to where my head is at, it feels like it is reorganizing itself. The last number of years have been intensely stimulating and busy for me and it really does feel like I’m taking the time to figure-out what it all means in a way that I understand and am able to articulate. If I don’t take the time to consolidate and synthesis an understanding based on all of the information I’ve collected, I’ll continue to collect data forever making slow progress in my personal development. It’s as though the data collection gave me knowledge about specific things and the mental reprocessing of the data is creating wisdom about the world in general. There are patterns through out all of it, most of it is automatic and predictable. The individual experiences or things may not be intuitively linked, but when all of the pieces are combined, there is a very clear picture of everything.
What is striking is just how quickly this clear picture impacts your life. You stop almost all of the things that were based on the dissonance because it just goes away. You stop them almost immediately because it is human nature to serve the primary purpose you create for yourself; either conscious or unconscious e.g. to make money or harvesting sympathy by manufacturing victim status. Knowing what it is and making it what you want it to be just changes everything. The old understanding CANNOT exist with the new understanding so it vanishes taking with it many dependent behaviors. It would seem that doing the things needed to generate content for this blog were some of those behaviors.