I Yell Because I Care
Back when I worked for Ranger, my co-worker Chris told me that he was going to buy me a t-shirt that said “I YELL BECAUSE I CARE”. He never did, but he talked about the t-shirt often. It shouldn’t be surprising that I yelled at him a lot at that job. I didn’t handle stress very well and Chris was very good at helping me feel stress. He was a friend before we started working together so he had 10 years of history that allowed us to have very free and spirited interactions.
Every now and then he would take me aside and tell me that he didn’t appreciate my behavior. Any time he did this, I would apologize for it and we’d work on figuring out what the real issue was. Chris was funny like that, he seemed to know when he had it coming and he was sure to see that my reaction was only going to impact the catalyst. Often reactions impact people who have nothing to do with the situation and he wasn’t going to be the victim in one of these situations.
It has been a long time since Ranger and I have matured past yelling at people simply because I have passion for the job. I still have the fire, I just direct it towards people in a more appropriate problem solving way. It’s a lesson that has stuck with me and one that I find myself using on telemarketers a fair bit. As much as I would like to yell at them for calling, I stay polite and get off the phone as calmly and quickly as possible because while they are choosing to work in that field, I doubt any of them are choosing to call me in particular.
January 2nd, 2008 08:03
Interesting blog. However, I’ll respectfully disagree. Perhaps I’m right… maybe I’m wrong. However, I believe you’re generalizing way too much here. Perhaps you did yell at people… but having worked with you, I’d say you yelled at particular people/personalities - not all. Not having been subjected to your tirades - mostly because it would have been unwarranted but also because I would have called you on it - I’d say that a lot of that behaviour stemmed more from the working environment than any personal philosophy.
You personally knew all the people that worked for Ranger for many years… which afforded you a certain comfortability level. That type of relationship would allow for that type of behavior to be interpreted differently than other situations — for instance, we wouldn’t take it personally, we’d heed the message (not the tone) and move on with no residual issues.
As we’ve discussed previously, under most other circumstances… you probably would have been terminated at least a dozen times for your behaviour. I think your current maturity stems from the fact that you’ve now come to appreciate that reality
And now that you’ve come to identify a career path of personal significance… and in something you have a vested interest in… it’s completely appropriate that you’ve changed your approach accordingly.
And as a long-time friend… I’m happy for you. And proud.
Now, if you’ll excuse… I have a telemarketer on the phone I have to tell off.
January 2nd, 2008 18:21
> we’d heed the message (not the tone)
Heh heh! Oh the good old days when how you said it mattered more than what you said. In hindsight I needed to be more concerned when the tone started being the message because that tends to indicate a break down in a friendship.
Regardless if it’s maturity or a positive change in my environment, life is a lot easier not flying off the handle all the time.
January 7th, 2008 09:02
You wrote:
“Regardless if it’s maturity or a positive change in my environment, life is a lot easier not flying off the handle all the time.”
Agreed. I think it bodes better for the relationship… as well as one’s own personal health. Let’s face it… are there any “positives” or “advantages” from the exercise of yelling? I can’t think of any.
January 7th, 2008 09:53
> Let’s face it… are there any “positives” or “advantages” from the exercise of yelling? I can’t think of any.
There are a few:
It can modify others behavior if you don’t have the time to explain why something needs to change.
It can create a sense of shame in the yeller which can serve as the catalyst for some badly needed personal development.
January 25th, 2008 19:59
Gentlemen please excuse the fact that I’m already a few Whiskeys in……
Tony you said “Let’s face it… are there any “positives” or “advantages” from the exercise of yelling? I can’t think of any.”
May I please direct you to the NSFW due to language link below
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=unkIVvjZc9Y
In all honesty I often bring Pat and mines working relationship up as one of the best I’ve ever had. Why? Amidst all the yelling and coffee throwing BS I never once questioned where Pat stood, and dare I guess him me.
I would give up much to have that relationship honest a relationship with any employer and cast aside the 15 pages in the employee handbook that address “proper conduct”
~G
January 26th, 2008 06:51
Hey Gregor,
I was talking to Rachel about “throwing coffees” this week. She wasn’t impressed - but she does have the advantage of being more mature than I was back then.
In hindsight, our friendship was a huge portion as to why I yelled and threw the coffees, so I agree completely that it was an honest working relationship, one of the most honest that I have ever had - I guess that could be part of the reason why I haven’t thrown a coffee in years : ).
Pat