Some people like to do things that don’t appeal to me. They say they like doing them when I ask, so I’m usually happy enough if they don’t ask me to do it with them. I try to keep it simple so that if something doesn’t impact me, my enjoyment of the world or put anyone at risk, I’ll do my best to let it go. People don’t like being openly judged and being told that they are wrong is something that causes emotional responses in most humans; it’s best to avoid thinking too much about the things that have little impact on life because that isn’t going to fix the stuff that can be controlled.
I suppose that I have told people that their dreams are stupid, that their actions are stupid, that they are kinda dumb. I do it less now that I’m older and understand what people hear when you ask them things. While it has been a long time since I actually told someone that they liked stupid things, I know that many of the people I have talked to have heard me say that they like stupid things. And to this point, it’s both sad and shittie.
It’s shittie because using the word “you” is useful and can add a lot of efficiency to conversations. “You were speeding and got a ticket” is concise. Using fewer words tends to decrease the chance of a miscommunication. But what if using fewer words actually lead to hearing stuff that wasn’t being said? This will complicate communication dramatically and it is exactly what happens when some people hear the word “you” in a sentence that is directed towards them; they hear a criticism which usually gets their back up. In this case, we’re contending with someones interpretation of what was said vs. what was said. To avoid this potential derailment in a conversation I’ll try to not use the word “you” and I try to avoid accusing them of something or pointing out their actions as having a negative consequence on the world.
It’s sad because there is a reason a person immediately interprets “you” as a criticism. Why would someone normalize the assumption that almost every comment made about them is a criticism of them? How this comes to manifest itself (or for whatever reason something comes to manifest itself) as an almost narcissistic obsession to see others blaming them for random life is a scary and sad notion. This tendency has been normalized because they have been in an environment where it was normal or where it was never shown to be anything other than what is possible.
While this may not necessarily indicate abuse, it does indicate a tormented life leading up to the moment they are standing in front of you waiting to hear you rip them to pieces.
Happy end to the forth fiscal quarter!