60 Days Into Act 2

It has been about 60 days since I gave-up smoking, alcohol, sugar, compulsive eating, compulsive anxiety, compulsive exercise and compulsively blaming other people for the outcome of my decisions. I feel better than I have in a very long time. As well as I can tell, I haven’t felt this excited about the possibility of my future since right before we moved to Canada when I was 9. I feel more energized than I have in my adult life. I’m a 39 year old child! Joyful, passionate, fearless, authentic and with a well developed brain, well trained body and a spirit that is grounded in the essence of the universe.

I’m almost 4 decades old and now firmly entrenched in the possibilities of the future that will become my present. There is a growing sense of joy and gratitude for all that I have been through, the people who have come into my life, the experiences we have shared, the joy, the pain, the choices that makes life what it is now and the realization that just because I have been doing something doesn’t mean that I will continue to do it. My future is wide open, loaded with anything.

During a coaching session today, Sean got me to consider the areas in my life that haven’t been working out or for which breakthroughs have not occurred. The only area that hasn’t seemed to get positive traction is in the area of Love, Sex and Romance (SLR). I have noticed that while I do get closer and closer with each relationship, I’m still not getting it effectively; now this isn’t to say that I haven’t found, dated or been in a relationship with my future partner, it’s just to say that to date my track record has not demonstrated a clear breakthrough in-spite of the progress I’m making in other areas of my life.

The coaching in this area is fairly straight forward because if I keep doing the same thing and, until I know what I’m looking for, I cannot authentically make a call on what I want for the rest of my life. My future will be better served if I take a more active role in uncovering what I am actually looking for in terms of SLR. The advice seems accurate because in almost every other area of my life I have tried out a lot of different experiences, fine-tuning each one in an effort to create the possibility of the career, body, friendships, spirituality that will touch, move and inspire me each day of my life.

To this end, I love my friends, I love the jobs that I am doing, I’m extremely happy with my body and health and proud of the spirit that is taking root in my identity. I know with certainty that my least enlightened actions have already occurred and I have learned a lot of lessons from all that I have done. It’s the lessons that I have yet to learn from the things I have NOT yet done that remain, and the goal of the session was to help me see and accept that my breakthroughs are waiting my new and different actions.

It is with a sense of anticipated trepidation that I consider the next moves in terms of SLR. The thoughts themselves don’t cause anxiety, I’m actually excited about the possibility of being more spontaneous and doing things very differently than before. What is perplexing is the unknown – I have no idea what these things will be, and that is part of what act 2 is all about – being the unknown.