Having made amends to everyone I crossed during my chaotic journey the only person remaining to ask for forgiveness was myself. Part of the homework was to write a letter to this person. The goal was to complete the past and let them know about the possibility I have created for myself and my life in a way that leaves them touched, moved or inspired for having gotten that possibility. This letter was written on Friday evening and reviewed on Saturday morning.
I didn’t say it out loud in front of the group; it would have been unfair given that most of the people there hadn’t attempted to complete their past and needed the coaching a lot more than I did. Des, Adam, Leigh, Kinga, Kate, my dad, Sean, Jeff, Lisa, Christine, Brett, Chris, Heather, Rachel, Mau, my mom, Tony, Deb, Glenn, Kim, Leta, Steve, Ryan, Sarah, Sara, Mirella, Mandy, Sharyl, Andrea, Ben, Kristian, Jeff, Elaine, Rebecca, Rosa, Lauren, Gary, Dr. Gilbert, Jackie, Melissa, Brenda, Dr. S, Dr. H, and many that I’m forgetting, didn’t get their names or didn’t realize helped me while it was happening have been beside me to remind me that in my living of life is the being great, inspiring and unstoppable.
As you know I am attending the LMF this weekend with the intention of reconciling the difference between how others see you and how you see your self.
The truth is that these things haven’t been that far apart. They view you as great, awesome, capable, smart and loveable. The key issues is that you haven’t been authentic in accepting that you are these things and your desire to be right about how wrong they may be.
It is meaningless when all is said and done, but you’ve been laying meaning onto in order to maintain anxiety and remain small so you can complain and not risk.
Your romantic relations have been to serve this need so you seek out girls to fix without realizing that they are not the broken ones and that you are in no position to judge them anyway.
You’ve delayed the start of your second act of your live and found yourself staying away from people who treat you well. This has hurt you as it is inauthentic, you suffer when you are lie. It has caused you to engage in a lot of compulsive escapist behaviors and seek out distraction.
The possibility I have invented for myself and my life is the possibility of being naked, bold and fearlessly authentic in my quest to help create order in living and non living things. To this end, I am starting with you and your potential and am committed to give you the time, energy and focus needed to move your towards being Patrick William McKinney in all that you are, all that you do and in what others see you as being.
With love and adoration, be well,