Say Everything By Emily Nussbaum of the New York Magazine
This article shook me awake. I had only thought the techno-kiddies
were enjoying their toys and not being socialized by them. It’s a
frightening realization just how powerful new technology is at shaping
the direction and development of the younger generation. Generation X’s
Pac Man pales in comparison to this generations unfathomable access to
information in its ability to shape how we become who we are. They
aren’t techno-kiddies, they are individuals and the first generation who
have been raised with the Internet as something that is and not
something that will be.
This is Jakob’s vision: a place where topless photos are
no big deal-but also where everyone can be known, simply by making him-
or herself a bit vulnerable. Still, even for someone like me who is
struggling to embrace the online world, Lodwick’s vision can seem so
utopian it tilts into the impossible. “I think we’re gradually moving
away from the age of investing in something negative,” he muses about
the crueler side of online culture. “For me, a fundamental principle is
that if you like something, you should show your love for it; if you
don’t like it, ignore it, don’t waste your time.” Before that great
transition, some Susies will get crushed in the gears of change. But
soon, he predicts, online worlds will become more like real life:
Reputation will be the rule of law. People will be ashamed if they act
badly, because they’ll be doing so in front of all 3,000 of their
friends. “If it works in real life, why wouldn’t it work online?”
If you are over the age of 25 I recommend you read this article and
take whatever steps are needed to get yourself back in the game.
10 easy to implement tips for growing old slowly and gracefully by Brad Bahr
1. Keep away from smoking. The most important general
tip. We have all heard the many reasons not to smoke and to stay away
from others’ smoke.
Other than getting rid of the withdrawal symptoms, smoking doesn’t see to be good for anything else.
5. Get a pet. Pet owners tend to visit the doctor less,
survive longer even after a heart attack, and suffer less from
depression and high blood pressure.
I wonder if that holds true for cats? I can see it with dogs because
of their unconditional love and kittens because of their cuteness, but
adults cats can be pretty stressful as pets, particularly a female in
During my last year of University I was introduced to a book
that dramatically changed the way I view and engage the world. It’s too
bad it wasn’t one of the assigned readings. Feeling Good – The New Mood Therapy by David D. Burns, M.D.
was an eye opener for a couple of reasons. The content of the book is
first rate. When you read it you are hit with that “of course this is
how it is” feeling that makes it very easy to understand. But the gem of
Dr. Burns’ book is the practical exercises he presents for you to do to
try and help you see the truth of what he is saying as it is manifested
within your behavior. It would be a good book without the exercises, it
is a life changing book because of them. Reading the book cover to
cover and doing the exercises will improve your life, even if you are
feeling good already.
As I worked my way through the book a strange feeling gripped me for
the first time. I became aware that I had never learned how to think or
how my brain works with information. As a psychology student I was
exposed to a lot of scientific evidence that documented the outcome of
thought processes. But we didn’t touch very much on our conscious
experience as it comes to how we create an understanding of the world. I
realized that we are born and as we mature we are schooled in language,
math, science, history, etc…. all things that will increase the
likelihood that we’ll be come productive members of society; the goal is
to produce tax payers who will find their role, procreate and raise
more tax payers. Very little of our socialization this has anything to
do with the individuals themselves, it is gear towards creating the
functioning parts that make up the whole.
Burns take on the task of illuminating the thought process as it
deals with the individuals. What I think is the best part of the book
are the sections devoted to cognitive distortions because I found myself
making a lot of these perceptual errors.
First off realize that what we think about the world is NOT
necessarily what is actually going on in the world. Our interpretation
of events is based on our past experience with the world. If we make the
right interpretation we will be fine, our world view will be in line
with reality. But if we make the wrong interpretation, we can run into
trouble. Take the actions of a young child who see fire for the first
time. They have no behavioral event inventory with fire, they have no
world view of it, and may decide that it is bright and warm like the sun
but not damaging to touch and choose to grab it. They end up getting
burned. It’s a valuable lesson for them because fire does burn you more
quickly than the sun does.
The child making the decision that the fire is just like the sun is a
cognitive distortion. It is an assumption they make that they believe
is true, but which isn’t. In the case of the fire, the outcome is fairly
obvious, a lesson that hurts. But with higher level things, the outcome
can be more insidious and damaging. If the child who sees his father
lighting the fire that eventually burned them creates a connection
between the fire and his father, he has made a damaging cognitive
distortion because it *may* impact the way the child views their father.
They could end up thinking that there father is capable of burning them
directly and withdraw from this parent in a protective reflex.
This example is fairly simplistic, but it is how the brain works.
It’s an effect pattern matching engine that looks for patterns that will
improve chances of survival.
Dr. Burns has a list of 10 cognitive distortions that he has observed people making:
- All-or-nothing thinking: You see things in black and white categories. If your performance falls short of perfect, you see yourself as a total failure.
- Over generalization: You see a single negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat.
- Mental filter: You pick out a
single negative detail and dwell on it exclusively so that your vision
of all reality becomes darkened, like the drop of ink that discolors the
entire beaker of water.
- Disqualifying the positive:
You reject positive experiences by insisting they “don’t count” for some
reason or other. You maintain a negative belief that is contradicted by
your everyday experiences.
- Jumping to conclusions: You make a negative interpretation even though there are no definite facts that convincingly support your conclusion.
- Mind reading: You arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you and don’t bother to check it out.
- The Fortune Teller Error: You anticipate that things will turn out badly and feel convinced that your prediction is an already-established fact.
- Magnification (catastrophizing) or minimization:
You exaggerate the importance of things (such as your goof-up or
someone else’s achievement), or you inappropriately shrink things until
they appear tiny (your own desirable qualities or the other fellow’s
imperfections). This is also called the “binocular trick.”
- Emotional reasoning: You assume that your negative emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are: “I feel it, therefore it must be true.”
- Should statements: You try to
motivate yourself with shoulds and shouldn’ts, as if you had to be
whipped and punished before you could be expected to do anything.
“Musts” and “oughts” are also offenders. The emotional consequence is
guilt. When you direct should statements toward others, you feel anger,
frustration, and resentment.
- Labeling and mislabeling:
This is an extreme form of over generalization. Instead of describing
your error, you attach a negative label to yourself: “I’m a loser.” When
someone else’s behavior rubs you the wrong way, you attach a negative
label to him, “He’s a damn louse.” Mislabeling involves describing an
event with language that is highly colored and emotionally loaded.
- Personalization: You see yourself as the cause of some negative external event for which, in fact, you were not primarily responsible.