A word of warning to anyone who reads this blog and can identify with me more than just a little bit, they will try to screw you out of what they promise when they are gone. You need to get it in writing, get a lawyer and take it to them as hard as they are taking it to you.
What am I talking about? Ex girl / boy friends, ex wives and ex husbands. If you have a tendency to be manipulated you need to guard yourself by removing yourself from the equation and let the professionals handle it. Lawyers are not susceptible to the manipulation techniques you and I fall for. They’re hard nosed, aggressive and ruthless. They’ll take food out of a child’s mouth because they apply logic and rules to the world and leave the emotional stuff to their clients. “It isn’t the child’s food, it’s my clients food so I’m taking it”. What is sad about it is that the parents of the child didn’t care enough about their future to take care of their affairs; but ultimately the blame falls on the lawyer who simply doesn’t care about what you think because you won’t pay your bills or honor your word.
When there are children involved, mousey people need to get out of the way and hand off the thinking, negotiation and litigation to someone who is qualified to see your ex for what they are, someone who’ll withdraw money and support as soon as they can. They will try to screw you and your children out of your futures when they decide that it’s time to move on. The trophy wife will appear and your children will matter less and less to them as the new family comes into being.
But if you’ve represented yourself, your on your own. You will get nothing and you and your children will likely be moving down the SES ladder while he buys new clothing, cars and stuff. Ask your lawyer and they’ll tell you what to do. Listen to them and let them do their job. You don’t have the experience they have so shut your mouth and watch how they work, methodical, precise and with a single minded determination to look after YOUR future.
- Get full support, spousal and child, for as long as you can – till the last child is 21 OR completes university which ever comes latest.
- A trust fund or some form of child support needs to be written into the agreement to cover death to prevent someone from channeling your child’s money into someone else bank account.
- Agreement must be made about a 50:50 split in the cost for the children’s stuff; this MUST be written into the agreement because he’ll / she’ll buy the Armani suits or Jimmy Choos’ while you buy things at Walmart.
- You must write into the agreement a way to compensate for deviations in the child sharing agreements – if he’s constantly late picking up the children or needs to shift around the times, keep a record of all of these deviations and send them the bill at the end of the month. It costs money and time to look after children so when one parent hands the children back to the other they are saving money while it cost the other. This will happen and there needs to be a condition in the agreement to cover for this.
- Most importantly, you need to accept that you will act the same way towards them as you always did so you need to disengage and pay the professional to look after your future. You will be grateful if you do and you’ll regret it if you don’t.
The thing about getting as much as you can now is that you can always give some of it back if it turns out to be too much. The inverse is not true, they won’t give you anything if it turns out to be too little.
Don’t believe me? They told you they’d love you forever and now they are gone. Don’t believe a word of what they said in the past, believe only that which is written down, agreed to, signed and enforceable. They will try to ditch their responsibilities, it’s just what people do when they check out. Guard yourself by getting lawyer and letting them do their job. They ask for more than you want because that’s how negotiations go. Stay out of their way and let them look after your future.