Essential Characteristics Of New Strength Coaches

Over the last 4 years I have interviewed a lot of people who were interested in becoming strength coaches as well has having worked with a large number of actual coaches. Below is a list of the 5 essential characteristics individuals must hold in order to be successful in the industry.

Passion for working with people. Passion is contagious. If a coach is passionate when they engage their athletes, there’s a very good chance that they will be able to boost the performance of the athletes and help to create better training experiences, results and compliance to the demands of year round training. The inverse is absolutely true – a coach who lacks passion will lower the performance of their athletes. Passion may not be enough to reach all of the people you train but it is absolutely critical for reaching those people who can be reached.

See gaining knowledge and experiences as valuable uses of your time. Unless you are really good, very experienced or you own the training center, there’s a good chance that the money you earn will be kind of low. For this reason, you need to be able to see the value that time with the athletes, creating programs and running the center. These experiences are what will make you a better coach and allow you to demand more money in the future. You will not learn everything you need to know at school and don’t really have a choice but to gain years of experience before you can consider yourself a professional. If you don’t hold your professional development in a high regard, this industry isn’t the right one for you.

The ability to accept that other people know more than you. Given that you are there to learn and gain experience, you need to be open to just how little you know about particular things. Part of this is regarding others as experts or as more expert than you are.

The ability to listen and hear what other people are saying. This applies to feedback you receive about your coaching and especially the feedback / verbal reports from your clients. With your athletes and clients, you need to know if they are feeling a movement the way they are supposed to feel it, if they are experiencing any pain vs. work and if they are working with the required intensity. With reference to your coaching actions, you need to be able to hear what people are saying in order for you to make the call on the appropriateness of your coaching. You need to be able to hear the bad, because these are the things that you will need to change in order to move your abilities forward. As important is hearing the good as these things will let you know that you are doing the right stuff as well as making your job very rewarding.

A willingness to try new things and follow the advice you give to other people BEFORE you give it to them. There is a story about Ghandie that illustrates this well. A women brought her some to Ghandie and said “Ghandie, please tell my son to stop eating sugar” to which Ghandie said “bring him back in 2 weeks.” The women shrugged her shoulders, left with her son and returned two weeks later. Upon arriving, Ghandie looked at the boy and said “stop eating sugar.” The boy agreed and as they turned to leave the women looked at Ghandie saying “why didn’t you say that two weeks ago?” Ghandie replied “two weeks ago I was still eating sugar.” I think this is more important than almost everything because you cannot come from a place of authority if you have not done what you are asking your athletes to do. This doesn’t mean that you need to have won a world championship in order to coach a world class athlete but it does mean that you need to have done contrast training if you are going to be programming it for your athletes

So there you have it, 5 characteristics that you MUST have if you are going to start to work and excel in the strength coaching industry. If you are missing any of these, take a moment to consider your decision to move into this area of work. It may not be the right fit for you.

New Challenges – Moving In With Rachel – The Final Month

Sadly, things haven’t worked out with Rachel and me so last month was my final month living with her. I’m not going to get all blamey, down or amped-up for what comes now because I don’t really feel any of those things. Rachel is a great person with a ton of potential in many areas of her life. In two years we’ll both be doing great personally and professionally – that’s inevitable – so there’s no real point in suffering the time between now and then for it is only temporary.

But there are lessons and wisdom in the entire experience so the pragmatic thing is to put them down so I don’t forget them and maybe they can be of use to others.

People need to be alone for a long enough period of time to know that they can survive independently. If this time is not taken or this knowledge is not present, one may view others as a necessary part in their life and NOT simply as a choice. I’m not sure how long this takes, but it takes time. It is only when you know what it’s like to be alone that you will know if it’s better when you choose to be with a specific person.

People should be able to identify when they are trying to control another person. This will usually happen when two people disagree on something and cannot simply agree to disagree. To not be able to agree is human, to not accept that the other person has a right to feel what they feel simply because you don’t agree with them is very shortsighted. In reality it doesn’t really matter for most things. What does matter is your ability to accept that others have a view of the world that is important to them and you should not try to control this. Provide evidence for your point of view if you like, but just do your best to let others do what they need to do.

People are not good or bad, they just work to make real the internal world view they hold. Actions will generally construct events that tend to validate your self image or self-talk. Most of the time, people are completely unaware that their actions reflect this view. Attributing malice to most things is inaccurate given that most behaviors, even self-destructive ones, are self-interested actions.

Behaviors are not good/bad or right/wrong, they either work for us or they don’t. By using judging words when talking to someone about their behavior we create shame which causes them to withdraw. Judgment fosters contempt, which will destroy a relationship and likely the possibility of a friendship very quickly. You have to let people be themselves and make the decision if their way of being is compatible with yours. If it doesn’t work for you, you need to move on fairly quickly.

There are many more things that I have learned from my time with Rachel but these are four big ones that, moving forward, I will try to focus on.

Nothing Worse Than Good When Good and Bad When Bad

Been doing a lot of listening to my clients recently because we’ve been working together for long enough that I don’t have to coach them as much.

One of them blew my mind when he mentioned that “there is little worse than being around someone who is great when things are good but horrible when things are bad”. I laughed because it didn’t make any sense but he is right. “You are always going to be a punching bag when things go bad because that is the persons coping mechanism.” It’s kind of frightening because it’s an obvious pattern that I had interpreted as the exact opposite.

It’s easy to be a pleasure when times are fun and easy. It’s very hard to be a pleasure when your world is falling in on you. The issue is that life is tough if you are trying to improve it and as an enlightened or challenging seeking individual you are ALWAYS going t try and improve it therefore times are not always going to be fun and easy.

The lesson is to not be mean when times are tough. Try to avoid lashing out when you feel your actions do not seem to be moving anything forward. If you feel victimized by someone you are close to when their life is tough make them aware that you feel they are doing it and allow them to make the decision to either change their approach to you or keep it the same. If it remains the same and you don’t want to be a punching bag when they feel challenged you will need to change the situation.

What To Do When Someone Calls You TOXIC

When someone calls you toxic you first need to figure-out if they are correct. This is very simple if you are self aware and are able to observe your actions. You’ll see very quickly that you are trying to influence their emotional state to gain advantage or favor. If they are accurate, you need to make the decision if what you are trying to gain is worth losing the person. If the answer is no, stop doing it and lower your threshold for identifying your manipulation attempts so you are able to stop your behaviour before it becomes toxic. If the answer is yes, consider getting a good self help book, set up an appointment with the therapist or start going to a life coach to create a plan for you to achieve the desired goal independently. If that is impossible, and it really shouldn’t be, ask the person directly for what you want vs. trying to game them into it. They may say no but at least they won’t tell you to get out of their life.

If you are not self aware, it’s a little trickier because you won’t have any idea the you have control over your behaviour and therefore your world. You first need to accept that the person cares about you – or else they won’t have responded emotionally to what you said; this is a good thing because it means that even if they do not give you what you want, they are likely going to be able to offer some support to help you through not getting what you want. It’s great to have friends and it’s even better to have friends who are able to see the truth.

Once you have accepted that you are loved and that you may not get what you want using the method you have, you need to make the decision if what you want is actually that important. If the answer is no, don’t think about it anymore. If the thing is that important, you need to find a direct way to get it. Ask the person for it, ask them for help in getting it, ask them for advice on how to get it. Figure-out how you are going to get it without involving anyone else or without using manipulation and guilt to get other people do to it for you.

Once you’ve achieved it, moved on from it or accepted that you won’t be getting it, you need address your toxic nature.

Step one, accept that you love yourself and believe that you have the right to have nice things and to get your way.

Step two, accept that other people love themselves and believe that they have the right to nice things and to get their way.

Step three, accept that other people have an experience of reality that is unique and separate from yours. This is absolutely critical and it should be taught to people in school because so many go through life using other people as objects in their life vs. automatons (to say the very least about ones experience of reality).

Step four, accept that you learned how to manipulate and use guilt to get what you want and that this approach will keep you from ever being complete and independent. Think about it this way, if that is your tool to get things, you will always need other people in your life because you will not possess the necessary skills to get what you want on your own.

Step five, make the decision that you don’t want to be toxic and invest in going without some of the things you like unless you are willing to get them yourself. If you cannot accept this, stop reading now and prepare for a life filled with lots of people, lots of shallow interactions with these people and an existence of co-dependence on people who are too weak to kick you to the curb. Frankly, if you can constantly control another person you likely don’t want them in your life anyway because they aren’t going to help you grow. They will enable you every step of your unsatisfying and distraction dependent live.

Step six, take the time to create new strategies to get what you want and need. Hard work is a good way to achieve this. Changing your priorities is another effective way at eliminating the need for stuff. Admitting that you need help and asking for it is another way to free yourself from the manipulation of others.

Step seven, be aware and always cautious that you have a skill that is useful but very damaging to the quality of interactions with others, particularly the people who care about you the most. Always remember that you are one manipulative effort away from having one less friend. Before you set out to get someone to do stuff for you ask yourself the question “is what I’m trying to achieve worth losing this person forever?” The truth is that if it is worth losing someone forever they will help you if you ask. If it isn’t, they could drop you like garbage and, frankly, if you are trying to manipulate the people who love you, you are either a child or garbage.

We create the world we live in using our thoughts and actions. If yours is a toxic waste land of short term friendships, x partners who don’t want anything to do with you and a feeling worthlessness, it’s time to create a new world based on honesty with yourself, with others and the awareness that your primary coping tool may be the very source of your unhappiness.

When Interpreting Tone From Raw Text

I had a great conversation with one of my clients yesterday about a couple of email messages she received over the last few days. When she read the messages to me, they seemed fine – they were in my opinion clear, accurate, and unambiguous. When she stopped reading them and looked at me, I was left with a blank look on my face and wondering when she was going to bring-up something that should have bothered her. The silence was broken by her asking “so, do you think I should be upset by that?”

I replied with “no” citing that the email was clear and without any tone whatsoever. Then it dawned on me, in the absence of information, we create the information we are missing if we feel we need to. In this case, tone was manufactured based on something internal.

“So, how do you feel about this person? How have the two of you been interacting recently?” Then the flood gates opened that the source of the tone became evident. Their interactions have been strained recently due to some work / life factors that can’t be controlled by either one of them and when the messages appeared in her inbox, the natural tendency was to transfer the strained feelings onto the author of the message and then interpret the message accordingly. It is another common example of the fundamental attribution error and it shows how automatic some of our behaviours are. It reveals how diligent we must be when engaging our thoughts.

Unless it is stated or evident, DO NOT interpret tone with raw text. If you do, take a moment to consider why YOU are interpreting the text in such a way. Very often, our interruptions of things reveal more about how we feel about them; which is fairly important information.

Revisiting Threads

I watched Threads on YouTube this weekend. Threads was a 1984 British TV drama about the build-up and aftermath of an all out nuclear war.

When I first watched it I was in grade 7 or 8 and I found it particularly disturbing – almost life changingly so. When I watched it this weekend I found it less disturbing and it brought back a lot of memories from the early to mid 80’s when there seemed to be a feeling that a nuclear war was eminent; I recall talking to some class mates about the possibility of a nuclear war and we all basically felt that it was just a matter of time. Fortunately it hasn’t happened yet and as the world progresses the prospects of an all out war have faded almost completely; I think someone letting off an nuclear weapon will happen, it will just be a regional thing vs. the total destruction of the planet.

Looking back I don’t recall the moment it stopped being something that I thought would happen and just stopped being something that I thought about, which is kind of odd given that it had been on our collective minds for years. I do wonder what long term impact the ongoing fear had on my view of the world?

Positive Experience – Meeting LMI’s Glen Ostergaard

I have been teaching LMI’s RPM for the last 3 years – it was the first indoor cycling certification that I received and it is where I meet and fell in love with Rachel. There were two key figures for program at the time, Glen Ostergaard for New Zealand and Dan McDonogh from Canada.

On Friday morning when I was walking down Front Street near the Toronto convention center I noticed a group of 4 or 5 people that looked very familiar. I made eye contract with one of them and found myself saying “Glen” and walking over to him with my hand extended. We walked over to me with the hey do I know you look on his face and hand up. We shock hands and I told him that I loved RPM, loved what he was doing and asked him if he liked Canada – yeah, it’s a little silly but I tend to ask anyone who is from another country if they like Canada because I think it’s the best place in the world. He said he did, and asked what classes I was going to be taking the next day. We chatted briefly about nothing in particular, exchanged names and I thanked him for his time and for RPM. He smiled and said “your welcome”.

It was an amazing experience because I have tried to model the way I teach after the way Glen instructs and because he was really cool about it. I’m sure it gets annoying to have people come up to you like they know you but I tried to let him know that he had made a positive impact in my life through RPM so I don’t think that is as hard to deal with hearing – frankly, I can’t think of anything that I would rather hear than “you have had a positive impact on my life”.

Thanks Glen, you made my day!

Feelings And When To Act

It’s the CanFitPro weekend here in Toronto so I’ve been attending a few lectures to keep my personal training certification up to date. After leaving one of the sessions yesterday morning I happened to walk past a lecture room where Paul Chek had just finished up and was answering questions.

I’ve read some of Paul’s work before and respect his point of view about a lot of things so I figured I would go in an listen. I prefer to listen to guys like Paul answer question because I think his off the script stuff is going to be more interesting. Well, I wasn’t disappointed.

He was addressing a question about fear and feelings of low self worth. His answer was a breath of fresh air. He told the questioner to accept that there were feelings and that the feelings were coming from a place of love. Next he alluded to the feelings revealing some information that is important but not necessarily worth addressing in the moment.

He said “with things like that I like to play the counting by three game where you count by threes as quickly as possible”. If you find yourself able to do it, then the thoughts do not require immediate action given that you are able to complete a trivial task instead saving your life (I’m paraphrasing here). If you can’t count by threes then you probably need to action quickly because there is something serious going on.

I think this is important. Paul didn’t discount the feelings as he has accepted that feelings do reveal important information or alert us to the fact that something important is happening in our immediate environment; so it is important. But if we are able to shift focus onto something else, then there is a very good chance that there is no immediate threat and therefore a more logical approach may be what is needed to address the situation.

5 Things To Live By

Five things that could make your life easier. 

Accept the world for how it is. Seeing the truth and accepting it will improve your productivity dramatically. When you stop fighting against reality you are free to work with it to improve your experience in the world.

You cannot control the world so focus your energy on things that increase the chance of you being successful. There is such a huge interdependence with all things on the planet that it is impossible for you to control the world. Accept this and focus your energy on the few things that you do have some control over – your thoughts and your actions.

Listen to other people because you will learn something and because it makes the other person feel useful. Almost everything you know you have learned from another person. When you shut your mouth and listen when people are talking you will open yourself to new lessons. You’ll also be giving them the opportunity to clarify and consolidate their memories while feeling they have value for having given their input.

Rarely give unsolicited advice and when giving advice accept that the other person isn’t going to follow it. Unsolicited advice doesn’t cost anything and is therefore viewed as worthless; so don’t expect anyone to action on your worthless opinion. If you want people to do what you say make them pay you to tell them what to do.

Do it now. When we say we’ll do it later we are conceding that it isn’t a priority; what reason do you have to believe that it will become a priority at some point in the future? If you are going to table an action until later, make sure you table it to a specific time and not just “later”.